Content warning: There are mentions of eating disorders throughout this article.
Anorexia is characterised by restrictive eating, other weight loss behaviours and body image disturbances. Sufferers curtail not only food, but also emotional contact, so they withdraw into the secret world of the disorder.
Anorexia is not just an assault on our physical health but on our very being – our need for relationships and for closeness, tenderness and sexual desire – and its widespread effects perhaps explains why it is the psychiatric condition with the highest mortality rate.
As a researcher, a Black woman of dual heritage, and someone with experience of anorexia, I know first-hand how lonely this condition can be. Anorexia isolates us not just from our loved ones, but also from the wider community, so that we dwell in our own ever-diminishing world.
My experience with anorexia has been complex, to say the least. I craved romance from an early age in an attempt to feel loved and valued, but by 26, I still had never been in a serious intimate relationship.
Seeing my white friends who fitted the skinny, Eurocentric, body ideal in seemingly successful relationships, only consolidated for me that I was unlovable; and since there was no way of changing my skin colour, I decided to ‘become desirable’ in another way - weight reduction.